$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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