I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
