im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you would pick up someone in the library
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
