Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
