dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
