Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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