you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
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