I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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