I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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