Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
