Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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