I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
