Three words: puerto rican gang bang
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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