Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
