well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
