I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
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So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
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my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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