and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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