I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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