Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex on a roof
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize