I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize