So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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