For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
