If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
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just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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