I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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