goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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