Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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