This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
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He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
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I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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