Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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