Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
