I puked a lego.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
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Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
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I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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