I got chris browned last night
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
