Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
