Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
