i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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