apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize