i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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