I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
