I should be sponsored by Trojan
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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