apparently the secret to your success is patron
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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