how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
