I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
