I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
