I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize