I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You can't just leave with hair like that
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
