I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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