watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
