Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
