The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
