I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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