I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
