What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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