I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
