im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
