Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
