Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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