He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
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Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
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The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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